I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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