I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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