Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
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I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
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THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Enjoy the penises
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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