Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How's work?
Spinning.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize