I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize