Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
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