I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
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I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
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I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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