pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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