Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
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