youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
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it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
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We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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