Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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