Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
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I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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