Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize