if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
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He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
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It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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