Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
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i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
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The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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