Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
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Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
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Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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