He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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