It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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