8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
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walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
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Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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