I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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