There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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