His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
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I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
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