never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
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I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
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He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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