I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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