OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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