I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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