you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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