So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
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I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
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These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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