Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize