I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
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