someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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