i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
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