I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
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