I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
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all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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