shes about as inviting as chlamydia
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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