Your mouth is God's brothel.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Hippo gnu deer
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
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