someone threw a dead crab at me
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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