Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
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