i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
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We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
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I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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