I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
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Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
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Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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