sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
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