Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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