also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
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im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
What a dumb baby whore.
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I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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