I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
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Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
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the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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