Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize