Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
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I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I deserve this hangover.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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