On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize