3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize