Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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