I only kidnapped one of them. chill
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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